Apology: Doing it the proper Way


Reconciling a struggling relationship would have been easy if people have learnt the act of saying and accepting APOLOGY, because it is the most powerful ways of reconciliation.

Pride and Ego has eaten deep into our lives that we find it difficult to say sorry for wrong done, and even in the event of saying sorry, others have positioned themselves to be hard-hearted when it comes to accepting apologies. Saying sorry is about one person taking the low ground (this is in no way reducing your standard or trampling on your personality) for the benefit of the relationship. That person takes responsibility to love the other, given that love gives. Saying sorry and accepting the apology is the gift of a second chance for most struggling relationships.

Apology in its totality is about saying, I want more intimacy, trust or comfort with you, and I’m prepared to work for it.

This short piece gives you a simple but effective concept that can equip you to say the very best of apology in a simple and concise manner. And a brief summary of the Seven A’s of apology as stated by Marion Jones.

A good model apology should sound in this form:

“I am sorry for what I did. I understand it hurt you in [insert reasons] this particular way. I want to make it up to you by doing [a particular restorative action]. I promise not to do it again. Can you please forgive me?”

When to say it.

This  has the  elements to satisfy everyone’s ‘language’ of apology. Some need to simply hear the words, I’m sorry. Others need to know we understand what we did wrong. Some just want some sort of restitution – are you going to make it right? Others again need to know there won’t be a repeat of the offense. Finally, some want the opportunity to forgive. By making an apology covering every language, we ensure it has its best chance of effect.

Marion gave seven A’s of confession as a way of demonstrating sincerity and thoroughness; the heart of apology. It states that in apologizing, we need to:

  • Address everyone affected by our wrong actions.
  • Avoid the words “if, but and maybe” to ensure the apology is potently unconditional; no excuses.
  • Admit the specifics of what was done wrong, because they are so important to demonstrate we understand the issue(s), and we have the courage to name it.
  • Acknowledge the hurt we caused and to express sorrow for having caused it.
  • Accept the consequences of our actions and showing we understand and agree with the justice required; no excuses.
  • Alter a promise to change our behaviour in future to help them reconsider trusting us again.
  • Ask for forgiveness in order to grant the other person the power to acquit us should they choose to.

This is a great example of a confession that has the power to make apology effective. And when all is said and done, let our repentance be genuine.


Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash


Read other Writings from Sam Here 

Author: Victor Adeyemo

Victor Adeyemo is a Leadership and high performance coach, an Event decorator and MC. He is the team leader of Leaders Digest

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