When Relationships Go Bad

Arguably, the most beautiful thing in the world is human relationships (with family, friends, colleagues, lovers etc), however, it is also complex. Though people and their behaviours are unpredictable, yet, they bring happiness most of the time in our life. We cherish the memories with those around us and they certainly make our life worth living. Our whole life directly or indirectly revolves around people from birth until our last breath.

Humans are the biggest source and contributor of energy, learning, affection, inspiration, recreation and communication for everyone. That’s why we are referred to as “social beings”. Therefore, we can easily say that all our wants, needs, dreams and desires get fulfilled by people around us through channels such as studying, playing, joking, talking, eating, working, riding, partying or going out with our friends, companions, colleagues, classmates, acquaintances, cousins, family etc. These people could subsequently become our teacher, mentor, guide, coach and philosopher at some point in life.

From time immemorial till this era of the Millennium, nothing has really changed about our social preferences as humans. We are constantly engaged with people, thereby spending a significant amount of time with them on daily basis. And without any doubt, our “near and dear” ones are incredibly with us during our good and bad times. Further, let me take pride in saying that we celebrate all festivals, joyous moments, birthday celebrations enthusiastically with our lovely people. In short, their sheer presence during crisis situation provides us immense strength to fight any difficult situation or recover from the worst health complications. Thus, they motivate us to give our best even in the most stressful times. It sounds funny but true that even while dreaming, we are most of the time engaging with our people.

If people were so important to all of us, then why the hell do we condemn them or their behaviour? Why do we get hurt and hurt them too? Why do we ridicule them by calling these very people complex creatures with unpredictable behaviour? Why do we curse them or humiliate them?

To answer the above questions and as per thought process, we must learn not to generalize a behaviour to conclude or form a perception from a few unpleasant experiences, situations or interactions.

So, what do we do? The best we could do is to always analyse a situation through “occurrence test of reality” model. This test assesses a person and his character along with measuring his credibility by going through his past record while he/she had interacted with you sometime in the past. Assuming, he/she has supported you more than fifty per cent of the time in the past. This percentage implies that he/she is definitely a well-wisher, and only last few times they probably are going through something that has put them in a position of not being able to support you. And this change in their behaviour last few times could be due to an uncontrolled circumstance. This could also be due to some inability to do so on account of changing priorities or commitments. So, this change could be a transient phase and might get over soon.

Author: Emmanuel Eneojo Samuel

Eneojo Emmanuel, a computer engineer by training, an educationalist with passion and a writer. I find great advantage in travelling, reading and writing. As humans, at some point in life we can get to a cross road and it’s not uncommon for our lives to be unravelled. Hence, my greatest passion is to use my abilities and writings to bring to the consciousness of people that they have a say over their lives and we do not allow circumstances define who we are. I believe there’s a greatness in everyone.

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